General fiction

Can I Get a Book Deal for a Board Book?

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Dear Editor…

I have ideas for board books for toddlers. But I don’t hear my writer friends talking about board book deals, just picture books. Can I sell a board book? They must come from somewhere!

Sincerely,
Lee

Dear Lee…

Writers do get contracts for original board books, but it’s very challenging to do so. Here’s why: Unlike picture books, which have hard front and back covers but thin paper pages in between, board books are printed on thick cardboard for rough handling by infants and toddlers up to age three. That’s expensive to produce. Couple that with their low price points and you get razor slim profit margins, which causes publishers to offer lower royalties and advances than those for picture books. It also makes them stingy about acquiring original board books. Board books are usually generated in-house, with editors creating the text or hiring writers in a work-for-hire arrangement (a set fee, one-time payment, no royalty). Board books not generated in-house are often revamps of strong-selling picture book properties or branded product/entertainment tie-ins. With all this in mind, I say go for it if you’ve got the ideas and can identify publishers who accept original board book submissions—but don’t put all your manuscripts in the board book basket. Diversify your publishing portfolio with picture book projects too, because those have broader submission opportunity and higher advances and royalty rates.

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services. Learn more in her books: Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies and Writing New Adult Fiction.

How Do I Fix Clunky Dialogue?

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Dear Editor…

A critiquer said the dialogue in my novel sounds “clunky.” How do I fix that?

Sincerely,
I Don’t Hear It

Dear I Don’t Hear It..

Strong dialogue is inseparable from the narrative around it. If you’ve got a bunch of speaker tags like he said or Sam said stacked on top of each other on the page, the conversation can have a clunky, repetitive quality:

“I’m not going,” he said.
“You are, and you’re going to like it,” Jade said.
“They make me eat fish. I hate fish,” he replied, looking away. 

And if those are short blurts of dialogue, that repetitive quality can sound downright staccato. It could be that you need more variety in the structure, as with this revision of the above example:

“I’m not going,” he said.
“You are, and you’re going to like it,” Jade said.
He looked away. “They make me eat fish. I hate fish.” 

Notice that I dropped one of the dialogue tags. Sometimes writers overuse them. The narrative that surrounded the dialogue clarifies the speaker, so you don’t need “he replied.” But even better is surrounding your dialogue with richer, more revealing narrative makes the dialogue itself read more smoothly because that dialogue isn’t doing all the work. Check out this revision, which replaces the bland “looking away” action:

“I’m not going,” he said.
“You are, and you’re going to like it,” Jade said.
He sagged back into the couch.
“They make me eat fish. I hate fish.” 

Sagging into the couch feels defeated. That’s a richer and more specific expression of the character’s emotion than looking away, which could be deceit, disinterest, shame … who knows? And in that revision, the dialogue and the narration do equal amounts of work. So, for smoother dialogue: Vary your conversation’s structure and enrich the narrative surrounding your dialogue.  

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services. Learn more in her books: Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies and Writing New Adult Fiction.

Must I Mention Character “Diversity” When Submitting a Manuscript?

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Dear Editor…

When submitting my manuscript, I haven’t identified whether there’s diversity in the characters. Is that essential?

Sincerely,
Querying Author

Dear Querying Author…

Mentioning diversity is “essential” during querying if the diverse cast is essential to your story. You’ll know it’s essential to your story if removing the diversity would change the plot, concept, or themes in a substantive way. When diversity is essential, then it’s a key feature of your project and thus a key “hook”—and we pitch ALL our hooks! The diversity will notch into your book description organically because you can’t pitch the story without it. Check out this example from the back cover of Ryan La Sala’s YA novel The Honeys: “Mars’s gender fluidity means he’s often excluded from the traditions—and expectations—of his politically-connected family. This includes attendance at the prestigious Aspen Conservancy Summer Academy where his sister poured so much of her time. But with his grief still fresh, he insists on attending in her place.” Mars is an outsider at home and at the academy because their lack of inclusivity does not make room for him. He must assert himself in both places to complete his goals for the story.

If your inclusive cast is simply a reflection of this diverse world, you don’t need to mention it. You can do so, but don’t jam it in there awkwardly or make more of it than it is. Being clunky or misleading won’t impress agents. If an agent loves the concept and story, they’ll read the manuscript and see your inclusive cast. If they don’t like your concept and story pitch, they won’t care if the cast is inclusive or not. 

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services. Learn more in her books: Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies and Writing New Adult Fiction.

When to Use Em-Dashes vs Ellipses

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Dear Editor…

I’m always confused about when to end a sentence with — or . . .

Please help!
Wanna Geddit Rite

Dear Wanna Geddit Rite…

The choice of em-dash (—, which is the length of the letter “m” in the whatever font you’re using) versus ellipses ( . . . ) at the end of a sentence can be confusing. In a nutshell:

EM-DASH: Use for an interruption or a similarly abrupt cut-off. It can feel startling, even rude or cruel, as it chops a statement mid-sentence: “I wish I—” There’s drama in this punctuation choice. Used too often, it can overwhelm readers.

ELLIPSES: Use when a thought or sentence trails off gently into the sunset, “I wish I . . . ” If you’ve got a full sentence before the trail-off, insert sentence-ending punctuation right up against the last word of the sentence: “I wish I could dance. . . .”  

I admit to being an em-dashaholic. I love the drama of that simple line. To cope with my obsession, I’ve learned to let the em-dashes fly in early drafts, then I strip them out in late revision. I’m aim to entertain readers, not overwhelm them.

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services. Learn more in her books: Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies and Writing New Adult Fiction.

Flashback, Part 2: How Come If I Stay’s Opening Works?

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Dear Readers…

Last week a writer—Diane—asked me why some current bestsellers that start with backstory or as the day is dawning can make those slower beginnings work so well? She specifically asked about The Fault in Our Stars and If I Stay. I posted my answer about The Fault in Our Stars last week. I think this is such a useful exploration of story beginnings that I’m taking up that same question today, this time parsing out If I Stay‘s opening.

The Editor

Dear Diane…

Gayle Forman’s If I Stay opens with what looks like a no-no: the protagonist joins her family for breakfast and they discuss plans for the day. Too often such “dawning day” openings just introduce the protagonist and show her “home base” as a reference point before she leaves for adventure. A strong opening doesn’t just introduce and ground—it intrigues readers in ways that prompt further reading. Forman intrigues by triggering and stoking anticipation. Her chapter header is “7:09 a.m.”, setting up the expectation that a big thing will happen any minute. Then the first two sentences tell us some big “it” is pending. Next, the family debates whether to stay off the icy roads. By then, readers—who know they’ve chosen a book about a girl deciding to live or die after she’s the only survivor of her family’s car crash—have their metaphoric hands over their eyes, thinking, “No! Stay home!” Forman stokes anticipation even as she shows the loving family her protagonist will lose, setting up the heroine’s emotional anguish. Dawning day, yes, but that dawn is loaded.

Happy writing!
The Editor

*This flashback favorite post was originally published 9/22/2014

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services. Learn more in her books: Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies and Writing New Adult Fiction.

Help Me Switch POVs Without Jarring Readers

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Dear Editor…

My story is third-person. BUT: 3 to 4 times in the story, I need to cut to periphery scenes/beats where the protagonist is not present. I’m told that’s jarring. How can I NOT jar readers? I REALLY need these story beats.

Sincerely,
Writing in L.A.

Dear Writing in L.A. …

Sometimes our stories resist the rules we want to apply to them, so … we adapt. If you absolutely must slip into another character’s head or to some omniscient scene three or four times, I suggest you do it more than 3 or 4 times. That way, the POV change is part of the narrative style. Do this very early in the book to establish that style. And I recommend scene breaks to signal the POV shift, because switching POV within a scene will always jar the reader. (By “scene break” I mean that extra line space between paragraphs that tells readers the narrative is switching from one thing to another. Often you’ll see a decorative “ornament” typed into that space to emphasize the break.) Lastly, smoothly transition into those scenes to reduce jarring. A new scene would pick up details, moods, objects, or actions from the scene that just ended in order to nurture a feeling of continuity. For example, a scene might end with a nurse offering his patient some ice to chew when she’s thirsty, then the next scene opens in a Starbucks with a character ordering a Dragon Iced Tea. Thirst! Or maybe the next scene opens near a fountain for a subtle echo of water. The point is to avoid the choppiness of cold stops.

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services. Learn more in her books: Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies and Writing New Adult Fiction.

Is My Book Series WIP Doomed Because a Movie Franchise Has the Same Creatures?

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Dear Editor…

Big question for you: If my chapter book series about, well, let’s call them “fuzzywuts,” is not so unique because there’s a movie franchise about fuzzywuts, should I make major changes to my series (I’ve written Book 1 and am writing Book 2 for a two-book submission), or maybe start fresh with a new topic that agents may find more unique? Your brutally honest opinion would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
Fuzzywutter

Dear Fuzzywutter…

Well. *deep breath* That is a Big Question. How about this? Write part of the second book, with a summary of the full story. Then go out on a limited submission with Book 1’s full ms and Book 2’s partial+summary to see how the fuzzywut topic is received. Best case scenario: You’ll get agent interest. Not best-case but helpful: You’ll see if the declinations mention the fuzzywut movie as a problem. Declinations don’t stop agents from considering your future projects, so there’s nothing lost in giving this a go. Normally with a chapter book series, authors submit manuscripts for two books to show their ability to go long on a series. But here I think the partial+summary strategy will be fine. Interested agents will almost certainly require you to finish Book 2 before they’d commit to you—which you’ll gladly do because you’ve determined the fuzzywuts aren’t a deal-breaker.

While submitting, begin a new project with a new topic. If the fuzzywuts series doesn’t sell—which happens, sadly—you’ll have your next project in the works. Maybe that one will be your publishing debut, opening doors for unsold projects you’d tucked away. That happens, too. Often the first book written is the second, third, fourth book sold.

If this project doesn’t sell in your limited submission, you could be better informed to decide about overhauling to a new topic while keeping your themes and message. Again, you wouldn’t be the first writer to do that. 

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services. Learn more in her books: Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies and Writing New Adult Fiction.

How Do I Make Each Character Distinct in My Novel?

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Dear Editor…

I want every character in my novel to be distinct. Can you suggest ways to do that?

Sincerely,
Book Dude

Dear Book Dude…

Try crafting distinctive dialogue for every character. Here are ways to do that—and they work for showing characters’ overall personalities as well their emotions in particular moments. Characters who are worriers, or who are tense or stressed in a scene, can speak in sentence fragments and incomplete thoughts. Characters who are impatient, or dismissive, or highly confident but maybe low-empathy can interrupt others. Nervous characters may let their dialogue trail off (use ellipses to show the trail-off), or they can ramble or express their thoughts as questions, like, “I have to go there? Myself?” Characters who lack self-confidence or who are followers also express themselves in questions. Compare that to the confident leader (or the character who wants to project themself as such), who speaks in declaratives, saying, “I have to go there. Myself.” Feel the difference? Distinctive ways of speaking can make characters feel so different that readers don’t even need a dialogue tag to know who’s speaking.

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services. Learn more in her books: Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies and Writing New Adult Fiction.

Must I Italicize Internal Dialogue in a First-Person Narrative?

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Dear Editor…

I’ve noticed in many recently published novels that first-person, present-tense narratives don’t use italics for the main character’s thoughts. It doesn’t feel right for me to do so in my middle grade fantasy because, in a way, the narrative in this tense feels so immediate that everything that my narrator share seems like a thought. When I have put the obvious dialogue-type thoughts in italics, it feels jarring to me. Plus, I use italics for poems in the narrative. I’m curious if you have any thoughts about this.

Sincerely,
Curious in VA

Dear Curious in VA . . .

Normally, I’d recommend italicizing brief thoughts that truly feel like dialogue on the tip of a character’s tongue, even in a first-person narration. I’m talking about those things they almost utter but don’t—like: “I don’t think so, pal” or “Not in my opinion”—in response to someone standing right there with them. The character is “speaking” those things in their mind, even if they’re not daring to say them out loud for some reason, so I like the visual clarity and feel of the italics. But you felt jarred when you did that—plus, you’re italicizing poems in your book. It’s quite fine to not italicize those small internal utterances in your first-person narrative. Clarity is the ultimate goal, and I don’t anticipate readers being confused in this situation. Save the italics for the poems.

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services. Learn more in her books: Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies and Writing New Adult Fiction.

Powerful Chapter Endings That Aren’t Cliff-Hangers

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Dear Editor…

I was told to make sure all the chapters in my novel end in an interesting way that leads the reader to want to read the next chapter. I’m not sure how vital this is. Is it?

Sincerely,
Hanging in There

Dear Hanging In There…

You do want to push your readers into the next chapter. Make it hard for them to close the book and walk away. Or if they must close it and go to work or school or whatever, make your story stick in their head so they can’t wait to get back to it. But don’t think that means you need a cliff-hanger or flashy moment, like, “She walked into the room, and her mouth dropped in shock. What was he doing here?” or “She was on her way—and she was furious.” That’s mighty fun, of course, but ending every chapter that way will make the overall story feel melodramatic, or simply be too much of the same. 

Two other ways to keep readers hooked are more subtle but equally grabby. 1: End the chapter with the character chewing a bone that we know they’ll have to spit out. It might be a question (“How am I supposed to do that?”) or maybe a statement of misgiving (“The vibe is all wrong. He’s lying to me, I know it.”). 2: Promise readers something big is coming even though the scene seems all buttoned up and happy-happy. Readers know that if it’s not the last page of the book, that happy bubble will go BOOM! For example, readers see you building up a character for a fall, but the character ends the chapter thinking, “Everything is perfect” or “What could go wrong?” Talk about jinxing yourself! That rug will be yanked out from under them, and your readers will want to be there for the delicious, crashing fall.

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services. Learn more in her books: Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies and Writing New Adult Fiction.

A Valentine’s Day Writing Tip

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Dear Readers…

Love is in the air! It’s Valentine’s Day, and in the spirit of red roses and love notes, I want to share a tip about writing romance….

One way to get insane romantic tension in a story, whether for teens, new adults, or full adults, is to let your characters hook up early in the story rather than keep them apart. The nature of that “hook up” depends on your story’s steam level and your audience, of course, but the strategy is the same for all of them: Give your characters a taste for the lovin’, get them to crave more… then tease ‘e m along by REFUSING to let them hook up again for a good, long while. Sure, they can get in a quick kiss here and there, make a promise or toss innuendos or even make a date, but don’t allow them to fully hook up again until they’re ready to burst. That kind of physical tension is electric. Every touch and conversation makes them crazier for each other, so when they do finally get together again, it’s an explosion. So that’s my Valentine’s Day tip: Let them DO it, then FORBID it.

Happy Valentine’s Day!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services. Learn more in her books: Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies and Writing New Adult Fiction.

Am I Wrong to Avoid Contractions?

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Dear Editor…

I heard an agent tell an author not to avoid contractions with a certain character she was creating—in this case, an alien’s voice. The agent said that purposefully avoiding contractions was a distraction—that it slowed the flow of the language. I had avoided using contractions for the aliens throughout my entire novel WIP. I guess I was after that Other that they presented. Other as in “not human.” Do you have an opinion on this topic?

Sincerely,
The Alien Whisperer

Dear Alien Whisperer…

Indeed, I do: Do what feels right to you for this character, in this project. I expect it will be noticeable—but isn’t that the goal with your aliens? Zero-contraction dialogue will make them sound like non-native speakers. Avoiding contractions is also a great device when a character code-switches to formal conversation with adults or authority figures: “I wouldn’t do that” to their pals, but “I would not do that” to their bosses. Here’s where I have a problem with the no-contraction thing: in dialogue that’s not intended to sound non-native or to be calibrated for authority figures. Dialogue like “I would not do that” and “I wish I had been there” in everyday conversation sounds stilted, and stilted dialogue absolutely “slows the flow.” When I see that happening in a manuscript I’m editing, I call it out. In most cases, we want readers to focus on the content of what’s being said, not how it’s being said. Alrighty then! With that answer in the can, this Trekkie is stepping away from her work desk to watch “Hero Worship,” a favorite episode of Star Trek: Next Generation that stars the android character Data, who never uses contractions—except when he accidentally does. Oopsie-daisy….

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services.

Does My ‘80s Slang Require a Glossary?

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Dear Editor…

One of my beta readers for my middle grade novel commented that he didn’t understand a lot of the “old sayings,” referring to my ‘80s slang. I don’t think this is a bad thing, because it does teach the reader about things from the past. I thought about adding a glossary at the back of the book giving the meaning of some of the slang terms as well as some of the objects we don’t see anymore. But first, I wanted to get your take on it. What do you think?

Sincerely,
Totally Amped

Dear Totally Amped…

In novels set in the ‘80s, those “old sayings” flavor the story soup—which is totally rad. Should you tack a slang glossary onto it, or onto any historical novel? I’m generally like “No way, dude” about that tack-on. I worry it would give the novel a nonfiction shading. Don’t get me wrong, nonfiction is chill and all, but your readers picked a novel. I’d rather its slang be understood from the context, or that readers pick up meaning from repeat uses (repetition rocks!), or that they just absorb the slang as the flavoring it is. That said, this is a book for young readers, and a glossary won’t tank it, so if you feel the kids might need or enjoy the boost of a glossary, go for it, dude. It’s not a wrong choice. Agents and editors won’t wig out about it during submission. Together you’ll fer sure debate the glossary’s inclusion during the book-making process and reach a team determination. If you’re self-publishing and thus making the final call yourself, I consider this a “do it if you want it” item. The goal is a bitchin’ book for readers, and smoothly incorporated ‘80s slang is righteous regardless.

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services.

But What If I LIKE My Sagging Middle?

Dear Editor…

I’m struggling with an editor’s note that says my story needs more tension. I think my beginning and ending are really good, but I admit the middle is kind of slow. I’m frustrated because I like the plot and don’t see how I can change that. I know you haven’t read my manuscript, but do you have any guidance?

Sincerely,
Start Strong, End Strong

Dear Start Strong, End Strong…

What I can do is share what comes to my mind when I hear the phrase “needs more tension,” and when I hear people talking about slow, or “sagging,” middles. I first wonder if your stakes are too low. What if your protagonist fails to fix their problem or attain their goal—does it really matter all that much? If not, readers probably won’t get all worked up with worry. In that case, put more on the line. Make sure failure will hurt, big time. Another thing I wonder: Is there some Plan B your character can fall back on? “Well, I can always take that other job, or go to that other school.” No Plan Bs. If you fail, Character, you’ll have no job and live in your car! I had this talk with an author whose protagonist was offered a full scholarship as an incentive to do something very hard—but the character was rich. He could pay for college. He had a Plan B. Make it all or nothing! Be ruthless about that. And then, in your new ruthless state of mind, go on the attack: Target your protagonist’s support system. Cause misunderstandings that push your protagonist’s friends away, or that make teamwork impossible because of hurt feelings and defensiveness. Without a support system, your character would feel alone, abandoned, misunderstood, and defensive as they try to fix the high-stakes problem or attain the high-stakes goal. But you’re not done: Pick settings that prevent reconciliation or even worsen the hurt. Do your characters have the time, inclination, and place to sit and make up? Take away that time, and throw them into a busy, noisy, distracting place, like a mall at Christmastime, or a coffee shop during the morning rush, or PE class with frisbees flying, coaches yelling, and other kids bumping into your characters. You could move characters to a wedding reception, or into the stands at a ballgame. If the characters are desperate to avoid talking about their fractured relationship, force them into a quiet, one-on-one setting for an interaction that’s tense and awful because they don’t want to be there. Bonus: As you deny characters relief, you can compound misunderstandings. Now the emotional escalation and plot progression can work together in the middle of your book, making everything fraught and tense. You’ll get that juicy middle you want without overhauling a plotline you love.

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Editor, Deborah Halverson, has been editing books for over 25 years and specializes in Middle Grade/Young Adult fiction and nonfiction, New Adult fiction, and picture books. For her editorial guidance in making your manuscript ready for submission to agents and publishers or for self-publishing, click Editorial services.

Is “Which” a Legit Sentence Starter?

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Dear Editor…

I’m revising my middle grade novel. One editing change involved the use of the word “which.” I’ve been told to keep my sentences simple for my target age group, so I broke up several long sentences that had used the word “which.” For example, “It had felt like running away—which she had wanted to do ever since she’d moved in with her grandmother” became “It had felt like running away. Which she had wanted to do ever since she’d moved in with her grandmother.” These don’t sound right either. Now I’m totally confused. Can you shine some light on this?

Thanks,
H. P.

Dear H. P. …

In a stylized narrative, incomplete sentences can be fabulous. I’m all-in for “grammatically incorrect” when it feels right for the voice and overall narrative style. Legit! That said, in a more traditional narrative, an incomplete sentence that starts with “Which” can be a clunky distraction. Boo to clunkiness. The good news is, you can have your cake and eat it too: Go ahead and chop those longer “which” sentences in two for a simpler structure… but then replace “Which” with “That,” as in “It had felt like running away. That was something she’d wanted to do ever since she’d moved in with her grandmother.”

Happy writing!
The Editor

When Is It Wrong to Use Real Place Names in Fiction?

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Dear Editor…

If I’m trying to make Los Angeles like a main character in my novel, can I use real names of places in Los Angeles or should I use fake names? There are some autobiographical undertones to this story and there’s a restaurant that I wanted to use. It’s been open for eight or nine decades and has multiple locations….but maybe I should give it a fictional name?

Sincerely,
L.A. Scribe

Dear L.A. Scribe…
In most cases, real-name it. With public spaces like parks or neighborhoods, landmarks like The Beverly Hills Hotel, chains like Starbucks, getting real is a must-do when setting is essentially a character. I’m less gung-ho about real-naming small businesses or other more personal places if the setting involves uncomfortable fictional circumstances. A fictional assault in Starbucks is one thing; it’s very different in John Smith’s muffler shop. I worry about the impact on the people involved with those places. It seems invasive. Legally it’s unlikely there’ll be an issue, but fake names protect the innocent, as the saying goes. Do consider: While small places make for rich detail, they can be transitory, which dates a book. Are fake places wrong for your story? Then relocate to places you can comfortably real-name. The restaurant you cite sounds landmark enough, but why not ask? The owners will probably love having their place in a book. Advertising for them, promo event possibilities for you, fun for all!

Happy writing!
The Editor

How Much Time Would an Editor Give Me to Revise?

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Dear Editor…

How much time would an author be given to revise a novel manuscript after receiving editing instructions from her editor? Let’s say the manuscript’s about 75,000 or 80,000 words. I want to make sure I’m mentally ready when I do get a contract!

Sincerely,
Mac

Dear Mac…

Every revision is unique, of course. A rushed book isn’t in anyone’s best interest, so your editor will plot a schedule that lets you be successful. They’ll take your writing style into consideration. (Easier to do after your first book with your editor.) They’ll adjust for the depth and complexity of the revision. (The editorial notes require rethinking characterization or major plot points? You’ll get elbow room.) Other factors aren’t transparent to you at home awaiting your notes and deadline. Like the time needs of your whole book team (designer, copyeditor, production manager) and the production needs of the books sharing your pub list. And like outside factors that impact your marketing campaign. (Got a royal wedding in your story? Your publication may be timed for a real-life royal wedding!) For the sake of numbers, I’ll assume the most generic scenario: I’d expect a novelist to get a month for a straightforward revision, and up to two months for a more complicated one. Let’s flesh this out by getting real: Readers, how much time did you get to revise your pubbed novel(s)?

Happy writing revising!
The Editor

Blasting Best Friend Stereotypes

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Dear Editor…

Some readers say my main character’s best friend is a stereotype of best friends. She’s supposed to help her friend and that’s what she does. It’s not like this is her story. I’m frustrated. Can you help?

Sincerely,
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous…

Ah yes, the bestie stereotype. There are a few of them, like the boy-crazy pal to your blossoming-flower protagonist. Try this: Imagine sidelining your protagonist and giving Bestie the ball. It’s her book now. Write scenes with her as the lead. What new traits, interests, flaws, and goals would she reveal when it’s all on her shoulders? If she’s not revealing any, push her harder. Ask her questions with no right answer and see which shade of gray she picks. Move her to a new scenario, or even to someone else’s book. Write a pitch for a novel about her and her problems. Apply what you learn to your original story. Let her motives and distractions show up. People tend to be self-interested, so besties shouldn’t be all about the protagonist. Bestie would still reflect, amplify, or provoke your protagonist, but a separate life would be evident. She’ll be a richer, unique character—and her contribution to your star’s arc will be stronger.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Choosing When to Chuck a Joke

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Dear Editor…

I’m seeking confirmation. If a joke/gag doesn’t advance the plot/story, is it best to chuck it? As I revise my middle grade fantasy manuscript, that’s what I’m inclined to do, especially if the gag/joke, while possibly funny enough, stalls the advancement of the story. Got to keep things moving, right?

Sincerely,
The Jokester

Dear Jokester…

I say that’s mostly right. Plot advancement is a crucial gauge for keep-it-or-chuck-it choices. Just don’t let good intentions regarding plot advancement take you on some joke-axing rampage that squelches your humor in service of brevity and focus. As with all things writing, revising humor is about finding balance. A joke that doesn’t directly advance the plot can stay if it’s organic to the story, evolving from the character or situation. That contributes to the personality of the project, which is essential, too. Be tough with these criteria. The jokes that don’t pass the test with room to spare—the funny-for-funny’s-sake gags—should get the ax.

Happy writing!
The Editor

The Dreaded Flashback

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Dear Editor…

In my outline, my main character finds out my supporting character has been manipulating her from the beginning and wants answers. Initially, I was going to write a flashback chapter to explain how that came about, but I’ve read readers and writers hate flashbacks. The flashback was going to be his explanation. How else could I achieve this?

Sincerely,
J

Dear J…

Just as there are anti-prologuers, there are anti-flashbackers. Don’t let them dictate your storytelling choices. I hate the thought of writers avoiding devices that’re right for their stories because they fear knee-jerk rejection of the device itself. What bears consideration is what causes anti-flashbackism: Sometimes flashbacks slam the brakes on a story’s forward momentum because they throw us backward. Sometimes they feel too pat. Now consider that in real life, demanding answers from one’s nemesis requires a present-day showdown, with accusations, denials, miscommunications, and missed opportunities for clarity, recompense, and reconciliation. Juicy stuff! Why not experiment with such a scene? Even if it feels scary to write, stay with the experiment since those feelings could be a sign you’re avoiding “pat” and writing something rich, cathartic, and thoroughly satisfying.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Revision Week: Marie Force

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Dear Readers…

Revision Week ends with a flourish thanks to the fabulous Marie Force, author of some of our favorite contemporary romance series. Marie has sold more than five million copies of her books worldwide, some self-published, others traditionally published. She is talented, prolific, and here to give us a glimpse into her process. Today also brings us to the grand finale giveaway: a Free Full Manuscript Edit by the Editor. Read the full post for giveaway details and Marie’s interview.

Marie ForceMarie Force is the New York Times bestselling author of over 50 contemporary romances, including the Gansett Island Series, which has sold more than 2.3 million books, and the Fatal Series from Harlequin Books, which has sold more than 1.2 million books. In addition, she is the author of the Green Mountain Series as well as the new erotic romance Quantum Series, written under the slightly modified name of M.S. Force. For more intriguing insights, pop over to Marie’s website and read her full bio to learn about her experiences as an author who works with traditional publishers while also self-publishing to great success. The tenth book in Marie’s Fatal Series, Fatal Identity, comes out July 26.

Marie’s interview follows the Rafflecopter form/entry link for today’s Free Full Edit by the Editor giveaway. Scroll down for her full interview.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

You’ve told me you work toward a publishable first draft. How does being a “pantser” affect your efforts to reach “publishable” in a one draft? I write from the beginning and go straight through, going back repeatedly to the beginning to edit, tweak, refresh, update, and remind myself of what I need to get done in the remaining pages. Re-reading is a huge part of my process and usually sparks new plot ideas. I just did a re-read on my work in progress today to get back in the writing groove after the weekend.
FatalAffair
At what point will you typically stop to re-read? I stop to re-read whenever I feel the need to remind myself of where I started. Sometimes I do it frequently during the writing of a book and other times I only do it once or twice. It’s always a good reminder of where I’ve been and where I’m intending to go with the story.

MaidforLoveWhat role do critique partners, beta readers, or professional editors play in your process? I’ve never had critique partners. I don’t want another writer’s voice inside my head when I’m writing. I have three longtime beta readers and one of my team members acts as a front-line reader, too. They are helpful in identifying missing words (my specialty), questions that need to be answered, and any plot holes that might need to be addressed. I have a copy editor and proofreader for my indie books. My traditionally edited books get some minor developmental edits and line edits, but they are never much.

Treading WaterYour first book took you three years to write. Can you share a key insight or change in your process that have contributed to your current ability to write books in weeks and months? I learned all the biggest and hardest lessons with my first book, Treading Water, which I massively overwrote. I ended the first draft with a bloated 155,000-word manuscript in which I was highly indulgent of my muse. I’ve roped her into submission since then, and that’s never happened again. My second book, the follow-on to the first one, was written in 90 days and came in at 90,000 words. I’ve hardly touched a single word of it in the nearly ten years since I finished it. Whereas I continued to tweak and fine-tune the first one until I published it six years after writing The End. By then, it was a much leaner, meaner 92,000 words, and it was the same exact story. Those are the kind of lessons I didn’t need to learn twice. Now if a scene I want to write doesn’t move character X’s story forward in a meaningful way, it doesn’t get written. I’m pretty ruthless when it comes to getting rid of the bloat and keeping my story zipping forward.

VirtuousNewHow do you know you’ve got the final draft? The last thing I do is read the manuscript on my Kindle, the way a reader would. By the time I get to The End, I’ve already edited the first half numerous times, so final edits tend to focus on the second half. Once I am able to read the book all the way through without stopping for any reason, it’s done. That usually happens fairly close to actually finishing the writing, because I’ve been fine-tuning all along. That’s how my first draft becomes a finished book.

Thank you, Marie!

You can follow Marie on Facebook, Twitter @marieforce and on Instagram, join one of her many reader groups, and get on her mailing list for news about new books and upcoming appearances in your area. Contact Marie at marie@marieforce.com.

FatalIdentity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Not Annoy Readers?

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Dear Editor…

I have a story idea: Two strangers’ lives tragically collide in a hit & run accident, leaving the DRIVER with haunting visions of the VICTIM. Driver’s visions of Victim become more desperate and her guilt more debilitating, so she decides to return to save Victim—and herself. My question: What do you think of this non-traditional structure: Book 1: Victim’s POV pre-crash; Book 2: Driver’s POV post crash; Book 3: Victim’s POV & resolution of Driver’s story. I worry about leaving Victim’s story in limbo for all of BOOK 2. Readers won’t know if the protagonist they just spent 100 pages with is dead or alive. Is that enthralling, or just plain irritating? I know I could do alternating POV chapters, but I don’t care for that style. Ideas?

Thanks!
Plotting Author

Dear Plotting Author…

The unknown fate could be cool. Try it! Your awareness of potential irritation means you’ll strive for a story that nails “enthralling.” I have two recommendations for your proposed structure: 1) Keep Victim present in Book 2. Not physically, but through Driver’s story. Perhaps this is a small town and after the crash Driver encounters people that readers met in Book 1. These people are doing business that somehow relates to Victim, none knowing Victim was in an accident. Perhaps Driver discovers a link to Victim, or a hint as to Victim’s identity. The point is to make Book 2 as much about Victim as it is about Driver. Don’t abandon Victim yourself. Keep her with us and even advance her story, building readers’ desire for her rescue beyond basic justice. Then the unknown fate isn’t gimmick but an essential contribution to both characters’ arcs. 2) In Book 1 Victim must have her own story of struggle substantial enough to carry the book to its cliffhanger. Victim’s plot and character arcs in Book 1 should then stoke Driver’s arcs in Book 2, with all arcs merging in Book 3. Like those ideas?

Happy writing!
The Editor

Am I Locked into a Character’s Nickname Once I Use It?

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Dear Editor…

When giving your character a nickname, should you use that after it’s introduced or can you go back and forth between names?

Sincerely,
H. S.

Dear H. S. …

I’m a big believer in consistency, which I think helps readers focus on what really matters in a story without distractions. Random name-switching is soaked in distraction potential. Once you introduce the nickname into the narration, stay with it. Now, if there’s a strong theme-, style-, or story-related justification for switching, okay, fine, do it—just make sure the switching contributes to the reading experience more than flusters it. Even devices intentionally deployed can hurt instead of enhance. If you want some elbow room on this, you’ve got it with the other characters, who can switch between the given name and nickname according to their personalities and relationship to your character, just as friends and family will do in real life. It all boils down to facilitating reader focus and enjoyment.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Word Count Intimidation

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Dear Editor…

As I understand it, a young adult novel needs to have a word count of between 40,000 and 60,000 words. The thought of having to write that much paralyses me at word one. I don’t know how I’ll be able to write that much, how I’ll be able to stretch my story and whether I may be wasting my time. What should I do?

Sincerely,
JC

Dear JC…

Well, at least you know your freak-out trigger. Now let’s take aim at it. I’ve got two assignments for you. First, be done with numbers. Pledge not to count words until you type THE END on the final scene. Do not set word count goals for your writing sessions. Do not set a word count goal for your finished manuscript. Word count means nothing to you if you haven’t even written the story, so you don’t care about it anyway. Second, stop thinking about “completing the manuscript.” Shift your entire concept of writing this book to scene-writing rather than manuscript completion, then make each writing session goal be about working on a specific scene. “Today I’m going to write that fight between Max and Bob… today I’m going to see how Jane reacts to Joan’s news.” Scene are conversations, and conflicts, and action. Scenes are story, not stats. You can outline your story by viewing it as a sequence of scenes; you can revise your story by attacking scenes and scene sequences. None of that requires counting. Trigger eliminated, and story unleashed.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Why Does My Action “Read Slow”?

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Dear Editor…

The feedback on my mystery manuscript was that it has lots of action but “reads slow.” The reader gave one bit of elaboration: “Some of the paragraphs ‘feel’ long even though they aren’t.” I’m not sure what to do with that. Suggestions?

Sincerely,
Confused

Dear Confused…

You might be overstuffing sentences to get it all in quickly. The action. The info. The setting. The revelations. This can lead to long, complex sentences with multiple actions, heavily modified nouns, interruptions, and copious commas, em-dashes, and parentheses. Example: “Digging my hand into my pocket, I ran to the huge, double-bolted, metal doors—just installed last week by my ultra-paranoid, hippie parents—hoping desperately that I could dig out the ancient bronze key in time.”  That might be fine amongst a variety of sentence lengths and styles (such as a direct statements or fragments). But sentence after sentence, page after page…. It’s a lot of work for a reader. Slow work. And it’s hard to pick out the most important action; everything has the same weight. Thus, dense text can feel flat. Increase sentence variety to create rhythmic ups/downs. Make some things stand out while others float in the background, creating depth. If a detail isn’t vital, ditch it. When using opening clauses, avoid repeatedly piling action upon action. Lastly, go easy on the adjectives. Inform, don’t bury.

Happy writing!
The Editor

How Can I Make Readers Cry?

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Dear Editor…

I cried when I wrote my romance manuscript. My beta readers aren’t crying. What am I doing wrong?

Sincerely,
Boo-Hoo

Dear Boo-Hoo…

A cathartic cry is a whole story in the making; no single plot event triggers it. Examine your entire story to be sure every plot point amps up emotional tension. Since plot serves character arcs in romances, events should pierce the characters’ deepest fears and most passionate hopes repeatedly. Does Female Lead hope to vanquish Bad Guy by herself but fear that Male Lead wants to take over? Have her misread his offers to help as attempts to control. She fears being insignificant or thought incapable. Then let her reconsider, get hopeful about him, only to doubt again because she always returns to that fear. Each time she opens up, sock her in that fear so she scurries inside herself again. Keep the characters hopeful or determined enough to keep opening up until finally you don’t sock them but let them have what they’ve earned. In this case, Female Lead will see that her guy wants to be a partner, not the power holder. Hopes and fears are universal, so readers relate to them. Emotion lurks in that link— attacking it is to attack readers, making them vulnerable and game for a good cry.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Does Paragraph Length Matter?

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Dear Editor…

Do paragraphs have to be the same size?

Sincerely,
Adele

Dear Reader…

Unless we’re talking about a deliberately stylized narrative or something text-booky or manual-like where paragraph uniformity can be an organizing tool, I recommend variety in your paragraph lengths. Your story’s rhythm is on the line. Pages full of uniform paragraph blocks can create a staccato feel that may wow at dramatic moments but overwhelm across an entire book. Variety relaxes readers, helping them sink past your words and into your story. Try to think of paragraphing not as a technical decision but as a rhythmic tool. Do you want the story to energize? Lay down a bunch of short paragraphs. Bam, bam, bam! Do you want it to calm down? Time for some long, rich paragraphs. Ahh…. Time to shake things up or reveal or shock your readers? Flow out a succession of long paragraphs then kick in good and hard with a single-sentence punch of a paragraph. Embrace the power of rhythmic storytelling and manipulate your story’s tone, tension, and impact.

Happy writing!
The Editor

How Come If I Stay’s Opening Works?

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Dear Readers…

Last week a writer—Diane—asked me why some current bestsellers that start with backstory or as the day is dawning can make those slower beginnings work so well? She specifically asked about The Fault in Our Stars and If I Stay. I posted my answer about The Fault in Our Stars last week. I think this is such a useful exploration of story beginnings that I’m taking up that same question today, this time parsing out If I Stay‘s opening.

The Editor

Dear Diane…

Gayle Forman’s If I Stay opens with what looks like a no-no: the protagonist joins her family for breakfast and they discuss plans for the day. Too often such “dawning day” openings just introduce the protagonist and show her “home base” as a reference point before she leaves for adventure. A strong opening doesn’t just introduce and ground—it intrigues readers in ways that prompt further reading. Forman intrigues by triggering and stoking anticipation. Her chapter header is “7:09 a.m.”, setting up the expectation that a big thing will happen any minute. Then the first two sentences tell us some big “it” is pending. Next, the family debates whether to stay off the icy roads. By then, readers—who know they’ve chosen a book about a girl deciding to live or die after she’s the only survivor of her family’s car crash—have their metaphoric hands over their eyes, thinking, “No! Stay home!” Forman stokes anticipation even as she shows the loving family her protagonist will lose, setting up the heroine’s emotional anguish. Dawning day, yes, but that dawn is loaded.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Should Chapter Titles Be Banished?

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Dear Editor…

I recently heard that some editors don’t like chapter titles, saying they give things away. Should I not use chapter titles?

Sincerely,
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous…

There’s no anti-chapter title movement simmering within the editorial ranks. It’s very much a book-specific call. Chapter titles can convey vital context, set moods, tease forthcoming content, and enhance stylized narratives. If your WIP doesn’t need those things, skip the titles. I recently advised an author to remove chapter titles from her fantasy because it was a high-action story and the titles did give away plot twists without adding benefit. By contrast, I’m reading The Ballad of Lucy Whipple to my sons at bedtime, and I can’t imagine that book without luxurious chapter titles and subtitles suited to the Gold Rush-era setting: “Chapter 1, Summer 1849: In which I come to California, fall down a hill, and vow to be miserable here.” While that telegraphs events, the compelling voice makes us yearn for the spitfire narrator to entertain us with the details. Each night before turning off the light, I read the next chapter’s title out loud then close the book and leave. My boys shriek at the delicious tease.

Happy writing!
The Editor

How to Balance High Action with Deep Characterization

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Dear Editor…

I’m writing a teen thriller, filled with lots of action. Beta readers say I’ve got the action but that the characters aren’t interacting enough. I don’t really know what they mean, since the protagonist and her protector are in every scene together. They talk all the time! Ideas? Can you recommend some books that do it right?

Thanks,
T. E. S.

Dear T. E. S….

It may be that all their chatter is plot-related fact delivery, backstory delivery, or action-steeped stuff like, “Run! … Is he gone? … We’re safe.” That doesn’t do much to deepen characterizations. Give characters something to talk about and bond/conflict over that isn’t directly related to the plot. Then, to make sure that Something doesn’t feel random and unconnected, work it into the resolution of the story. Kenneth Oppel’s Michael L. Printz Honor Book Airborn balances high action and character interaction. His characters both bond and clash over social class and gender inequality, constantly stumbling over their internalized prejudices even as they both sincerely reject those prejudices. These issues have nothing to do with the pirate raids that make up the major action, yet they create characterization opportunities and eventually factor into how the characters work together to escape the pirates. What say you, Readers? What are your favorite books that balance high action and character interaction?

The Editor

What To Do When Your Story Feels “Rushed”

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Dear Editor…

My readers are pretty unanimous in their love for my characters, but some say the story feels rushed. I don’t know what to do with this feedback. Any advice?

Thanks,
Anon.

Dear Anon….

Consistent positive response to the characters tells me you’ve developed your character arcs well, so the events in the plot are probably well chosen and executed, and your characterization must be strong to engender such loyalty. I suspect your storytelling is heavy on dialogue and action but lacks depth that makes readers feel fully satisfied when they reach “The End.” It’s the difference between a sweet dessert and a rich one—both are yummy, but only the latter has you walking away from the table feeling full. You can enrich your story by doing a world-building revision pass. I don’t mean dropping in a bunch of setting descriptions to slow the reading. Rather, work in setting details with language that conveys an atmosphere, have the characters act upon and react to props unique to the spirit of that place, and include smells and textures that engage readers’ senses. This enriches the reading experience, making it feel full instead of breezy.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Is the Vietnam Era a Publishing Black Hole?

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Dear Editor…

I’m writing a MG novel set in 1965 in Midwest America. While the story is about a little girl who wants a dog, the background story touches upon her brother, and the neighbor’s son, both in Vietnam. We learn about the war through letters written by her brother. Recently, I was told that 1965 isn’t historical, and that the Vietnam war is a black hole in the publishing world. Well, then! Is my novel doomed even though the story isn’t non-fiction, and isn’t only about Vietnam?

Sincerely,
Rachel

Dear Rachel…

Deborah Wiles’ award-winning MG novel Countdown (The Sixties Trilogy) proves there’s a place for historical fiction set in 1960s America. And yes, 1965 is “historical”—it’s three generations removed from your target readers, with a distinct cultural landscape. Not that I’m sure you have a historical fiction project. It could be general fiction, with your focus being on the girl and her dog wish rather than on the war. To Kill a Mockingbird isn’t officially “historical fiction” even though it’s set in 1930s Deep South. It’s a story about people, race, class, and coming of age. Lead with your themes and craft strengths when submitting, not your time period. As for “black hole,” don’t look a gift horse in the mouth! An unexploited spot in the market could be gold. Just ask J.K. Rowling, who shopped a wizard book when wizard books were barely a market blip. You may have a better shot than those in a genre that’s hot but saturated. Doomed? Hardly.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Help! Unromantic Me Can’t Write Romantic Scenes

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Dear Editor…

I’m trying to write a romantic scene for a YA novel that I’m writing but I’m the most unromantic person I’ve ever met. Do you have any advice as to how I can get over my unromanticness and write good romance scenes?

Sincerely,
Taylor

Dear Taylor…

Freeze! Put the flowers down. Back away from that box of chocolates. This isn’t about you, it’s about the characters. A great romantic scene grows out of the characters’ emotional connection with each other across all preceding scenes. Ask yourself what each character needs emotionally, then find ways for the other character to satisfy the need. Work this into each shared scene until, finally, a situation arises that brings that need to a climax. That’s when the romance rolls out. A girl who feels epically misunderstood will go weak in the knees when a boy shows that he knows her. Maybe he reads to her from her favorite book when she’s sad. The sound of his voice as it embodies her beloved characters is a turn-on. The way he holds the book in his hands—those gentle yet firm hands she so wants to hold her—is a turn-on. The way he trips over words yet plods onward shows his vulnerability … and is a turn-on. She can’t help it, she reaches out and makes the physical connection. Build up from emotional to physical and your characters (and readers!) will be putty in your hands.

Happy writing!
The Editor

What Is Speculative Fiction?

Dear Editor…

I just met someone who told me she’s writing “speculative fiction.” She then described a WIP that I would call paranormal. Would you please explain speculative fiction to me?

Thank you,
T.

Dear T….

Both labels are correct—yours is simply more specific. If your bookstore had a “speculative fiction” corner, you’d see shelves filled with fantasy, paranormal, sci-fi, horror, alternative history, dystopian fiction, and plenty more. These genres all have one thing in common: They explore fantastical versions of reality. What if Abraham Lincoln hunted vampires? What if wizards roamed modern England? What if North America got nuked? What if humans colonized Mars? That writer used the umbrella term, as many agents and editors will do in their short bios. Some people dislike this term, criticizing those who use it as putting on airs. Others object to its occasional use as an alternate term for “science fiction” because that extends the sci-fi label beyond its purest definition as stories based on scientific facts and technology. I find “speculative fiction” a handy term to toss out when referring to fantastical stories in a general way.

Happy writing!
The Editor

 

Scare Readers with Your Mind, Not Your Monsters

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Dear Editor…

I want my WIP to totally scare readers, but it hasn’t scared even one of my Beta readers. They agree that the monsters are cool and the chases are exciting, but scary? Not so much. I’m frustrated. Advice?

Sincerely,
Wannabe Scary

Dear Wannabe Scary…

I bet you aren’t digging deeply enough into readers’ psyches—or your own. Readers will never be in physical peril when reading a book, so you can’t rely on monsters jumping out of corners to get them jittery. Instead, trigger a psychological sense of peril in your audience. Try tapping into your own deep-rooted fear, because if something scares you, you’re primed to convey your discomfort in your writing. What scares you about your monsters? Their jaws and claws? Their immortality? Make an actual list. Now consider what makes those things scary for you. Do they symbolize something else, something that’s out of your control? Do they evoke a problem from your past? A fear for your future? Your monsters need to tie into a deeper fear that can resonate with readers. Then focus your plot decisions on pushing that fear relentlessly. That, not the monsters, will freak folks out.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Guest Editor Robin Cruise: When Do You Put “and” Before “then”?

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Dear Editor…

When you use “and then” in a sentence, is it more clear to use either “and” or “then” versus both? Why would you need the word “and” before “then”?

Thanks,
Natasha

Dear Natasha…

Ah, the best answer for your first question just might be … yes and no! It’s like asking whom you like better—or who is ultimately more useful—your hip, hot aunt Mimi or your deliberate, precise aunt Prissy. Ultimately, it might be that in a pinch each of them is just right in her own way. OK, Mimi-of-the-purple-hair is a little loosey-goosey, and a casual vibe is fine by her. She’s all about rhythm and ease, and she’d be likely to blurt: “I gobbled, burped, and bolted!” As for Aunt Prissy-of-the-sunscreen-and-sensible-shoes? Well, she likes her proverbial ducks lined up in a tidy row—and a clear, linear order for things. From Prissy’s perspective, things don’t tend to happen all at once, in an avalanche, and she prefers a slower, first-things-first mode. Prissy would be more inclined to advise: “I yawned, stretched, and then slowly opened my eyes.” Ultimately, your question is about pacing—and the answer/choice is all yours. You don’t need the word and before then, but … you just might want it, to apply the brakes!

-Guest Editor Robin Cruise
Red Pencil Consulting

Robin Cruise is committed to literacy and has been involved, as both an author and a publishing professional, in creating books for young readers for the past twenty years. Her experience includes more than 15 years with the children’s books division of Harcourt Trade Publishers. Robin lives in Kirkland, Washington, where she is the founder and principal of Red Pencil Consulting. In that capacity she works closely with authors, editors, and others to develop and deliver manuscripts, books, and additional high-quality content for publication and other uses. Contact Robin through her website, www.robincruise.com.

Guest Editor Taryn Fagerness re: Are U.S. Readers OK with International Settings?

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Dear Editor…

How essential is it to place your story somewhere that’s familiar or, alternatively, exciting to readers? My story demands that it’s placed in either British Columbia, Canada, or Scotland in the UK, but I’ve read that U.S.-based readers mostly want to read stories based in places that they know or are familiar with (anywhere within the U.S.), or they want something exotic (e.g., Thailand, the Philippines). Is this really true? Would an editor ask me to change the location of my story? Has this ever happened to you or anyone you know of?

Sincerely,
Franziska

Dear Franziska…

I think plot matters MUCH more than setting, although, of course, the two are often intertwined. Stephanie Meyers chose Forks for her Twilight series for no other reason than it’s the rainiest town in the U.S. and her vampires sparkle in sunlight. If she had pitched her book solely as being set in Forks, I doubt people would have been excited, but it’s the plot that made the books great. Many authors choose a setting because it’s their hometown, they are familiar with it, and they feel they can write it convincingly. And if you’re writing historical fiction, the setting is chosen for you. But in the end, if you choose your setting for a good reason (and it sounds like you have one), write your setting well, bring the reader there, and your plot is dramatic and gripping, I don’t think it matters if your book is set in a tiny Southern town, Thailand, or Timbuktu. I’ve never heard of an editor asking an author to change settings, although I do know of a Canadian author whose work never sells in the U.S. because the books are just TOO Canadian, obviously written for a Canadian audience, and filled with nuances only Canadians would “get.” On the flipside, as a foreign rights agent, I often hear foreign publishers tell me books are “too American.” For example, YA books set in American high schools tend to get this label—foreign publishers don’t “get” American teenagers. So keep your audience in mind. As long as you write your Scottish/British/Canadian setting in a way that brings your American reader there, it should be fine.

Happy writing,
Taryn Fagerness
Taryn Fagerness Agency

Taryn Fagerness represents foreign rights on behalf of North American literary agents. Before opening the Taryn Fagerness Agency in 2009, Taryn spent five years as the Subsidiary Rights Manager and an Agent at the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency. She’s sold hundreds of books to foreign, audio, and film markets, and has sold subsidiary rights for New York Times bestselling authors, first time authors, and everyone in between, in nearly all genres including literary fiction, thriller/suspense, commercial fiction, romance, history, self-help, business, and children’s. She has exceptional relationships with foreign co-agents, foreign publishers, and scouts, and she handles all aspects of selling foreign rights from international fair-going to submission, negotiating, and tracking titles through publication and beyond. The territories to which she sells are: Albania, Arabic, Argentina, Australia, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, Catalan, China, Czech, Croatia, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, India, Indonesia, Israel, Italy, Japan, Korea, Latvia, Lithuania, Mexico, Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Serbia, Slovenia, Slovakia, Spain, Sweden, Taiwan, Thailand, Turkey, UK, Ukraine and Vietnam. www.tarynfagernessagency.com

When Is Too Many Words Too Many Words?

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Dear Editor…

My fantasy is at 126,000 words; I can probably cut to 115-120K but maybe not to 100K without ruining plot. In a market in which short is seen as more viable, should I worry about this?

Lorie

Dear Lorie…

It’s telling that you think you can cut 6,000-11,000 words. Do it! If you can see those cuts so easily, they’re probably necessary. Avoid indulging in nonessentials (or over-writing), especially when length is an issue. FOCUS is a writing mantra. As for what the market will bear, there’s no definitive “FULL” line. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix clocks in at 257,000 words (766 pages), yet even kids read it. But of course Harry defies most publishing norms. For the rest of us, size matters. Readers are generally daunted by a thick book block, and there’s only so much interior design and paper tweaking can do to slim it. Maybe e-books will change that since we don’t see a physical hunk of paper and ink, but for now, thick can thwart. Can you break your story into two or more episodes? Consider tying up subplots or phases of your story in separate books even as you keep greater character and plot arcs going across multiple installments.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Fictionalizing Real-Life Settings

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Dear Editor…

My mc attends a design school in LA closely based on the Fashion Institute (FIDM) there, a fairly well known school. Should I change the name? Details regarding curriculum, location, and the facility will play into the story and her decision to be a student there. Am I allowed to use the material I received in my research trip to the school and NOT call it by its real name and not be “plagiarizing”?

Thanks,
K. R.

Dear K. R….

I see two issues here. Regarding plagiarism, don’t pull words from their promo materials, class materials, or even course titles. Summarize or write fictional materials and course titles. Most readers probably won’t know the difference—or care. More murky is the potential risk in using a private school’s name and staff. Must you be so real? Anybody can sue, forcing you to spend money and time defending yourself, even if their claims ultimately have no legs. Do you want to go down that path? Sure, writers do set stories in private institutions like Yale, using the school’s real name. It depends on how your particular institution feels about its portrayal in your story and how litigious it is when it comes to protecting its “brand.” If the school will get a good or an even portrayal in your book, why not ask its permission? Then you’d have a definitive yes or no. The school might love it! If you don’t want to ask, your safest bet is to fictionalize the elements.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Free Giveaway of Writing Young Adult Fiction For Dummies & Guest Post by The Editor

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Dear Readers…

Laura Howard of the blog Finding Bliss has just posted a free giveaway of Writing Young Adult Fiction For Dummies to go along with a guest post by The Editor. To learn about “chunking” your revision as well as the details of the giveaway, visit ow.ly/dLkfr.

Good luck!

“Revision can be daunting. . . . Why not give your brain a break by breaking your task into focused chunks? With this approach, you’d pick a writing element, say plot, and ignore everything but that. Working Big Picture chunks to small detail chunks rather than page by page, you’d focus not on revising the story but on honing single elements. Gone is that scattered, overwhelmed feeling.”

To read The Editor’s full guest post “Chunking Your Revision,” pop over to Finding Bliss. Don’t forget to enter the book giveaway!

Pitching a Novel as Multicultural

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Dear Editor . . .

Can you refer to your novel as multicultural if only your secondary characters are from a different background, but not your protagonist?

Thank you,
T. J.

Dear T. J….

Readers of diverse cultures want to see themselves and their experiences in a book—and who wouldn’t love to be the star of the book? But if your secondary characters’ specific cultures factor into your plot or themes in significant ways, or if you offer substantial, meaningful looks inside their cultures, then multicultural lit fans will feel satisfied. Teachers, librarians, editors, agents, awards committees, and reviewers seek stories that expose readers to diverse cultural experiences. If you’ve got racial diversity but haven’t done anything significant with it, then “multicultural” is misleading for all. Google a multicultural literature list such as the CCBC’s “30 Multicultural Books Every Teen Should Know.” Can you truly see your book’s title alongside the others without feeling the need to justify its presence? If so, you’re good to go.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Making Sense of “High Concept”

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Dear Editor…

There are so many definitions for “high concept” floating around. Can you help me understand what this really means?

M. Moon

Dear M….

Imagine a novel about two best friends in an all-girl high school. In this novel, the protagonist learns an agonizing lesson about true friendship, and she falls in love for the first time but is unable to tell the boy the truth about herself. There are juicy universal teen themes in the book, and it’s wonderfully written. NOW imagine that same story of friendship set in an all-girl school for spies, where each girl speaks 14 languages and knows 7 different ways to kill a man, and the protagonist’s love interest is an “ordinary” boy who thinks she is just an “ordinary” girl. This book has juicy universal teen themes and is wonderfully written, but the spy school adds a distinct, easily articulated concept that pops it out of the pack in a big way. That’s the difference between a “quiet” book and a “high concept” book. The book? Ally Carter’s fab I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have to Kill You, from the Gallagher Girls series.

Happy writing!
The Editor

The RIGHT Way to Read a Novel

Dear Editor…

I can’t be in the room with my husband when he starts a new book. He reads the last chapter first. It’s like nails on a chalkboard to me. It’s wrong! I’m a writer, so I know the author worked hard to lay out the story as she or he did. You should start the story where the author started it, right? Right!?

Slowly Going Crazy in Carlsbad

Dear Slowly Going Crazy in Carlsbad…

Arguments over the correct way to squeeze the toothpaste are the cliché reason for divorce. You may have hit on the real reason. My husband reads the last page first, and, yeah, it’s hard to watch. He says: 1) he wants to know where the story’s going, 2) he wants to know what happens in case he dies, and 3) gosh, what’s the big deal?, it’s not the climax of the book. I’ll let When Harry Met Sally field #2. But 1 and 3 send me back to something my tenth grade English teacher said: enjoyment of a story is not defined by a surprise ending. There’s still much unknown adventure in store for your husband, and he will savor the language, the relationships, the tension and conflict and emotions that build to the climax. As a storyteller, you can appreciate that. If not, keep looking away. This is just a detail—don’t try to change the love of your life. Just buy your own tube of toothpaste and squeeze it however the hell you want and let the man enjoy his book.

Happy reading!
The Editor

Are Prologues Taboo?

Dear Editor…

Are prologues taboo? Some writers have told me just to call it Chapter 1. However, it’s a different format than the rest of the book. Someone else said a prologue has to be a different time period. What can you tell us about prologues?

Sincerely,
Sue

Dear Sue…

A prologue is a valid literary device—but use it knowing that some readers will skip it. Some claim prologues force them to start books twice. Others have been jaded by prologues that convey backstory that should’ve been worked into official chapters. Others swear prologues set in the future are simply teasers stuck in when Chapter 1 isn’t gripping enough. These real pitfalls give prologues a bad name. Be sure your prologue provides setup that readers truly need and that truly can’t be worked into the chapters. Be sure you’re not teasing a future event because you fear your Chapter 1 starts the story at too quiet a moment. Experiment. Dump your prologue and see if the story is fine without it. If the opening is now too quiet, put the blame where it belongs and rewrite Chapter 1. If you really do need the backstory info, work it into the main story. Don’t dump it all in Chapter 1, though. Tease out the details, if you can. That makes for fun reading.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Writing Height in Dialogue

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Dear Editor…

How should we write height in a story when the height is either in dialogue or a thought? Verbally we often say someone is five four, leaving out the word foot, but should it be written correctly either as five-foot-four or 5’4″?

Thanks,
Sue

Dear Sue…

People speak in words rather than numerals. That’s why you wouldn’t type, “Dude, I called you 2 times!” into your fictional dialogue. Same thing goes for typing a measurement into dialogue. The height measurement in your example should be spelled out in this manner: “five-feet-four.” For a character with a more casual speaking style, “five-foot-four” or “five-four” will do the job nicely. Since internal thoughts are essentially unspoken dialogue, they get the spell-out treatment, too.

Happy writing!
The Editor

Revision Week: Mark A. Clements

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Dear Readers…

DearEditor.com’s Revision Week continues with award-winning author Mark A. Clements. In addition to being a horror and suspense novelist, Mark has ghostwritten numerous books, giving him a distinct view of the revision process.

Please join Mark and The Editor for Day 5 of Revision Week, and find out how to win today’s “Free Partial Edit” from The Editor.

Mark A. Clements’ first horror novel, 6:02, was nominated for a Bram Stoker award. It was followed by the horror mystery Children of the End and the mystery thriller Lorelei, both of which received multiple nominations and awards. Mark’s The Land of Nod earned the Theodore S. Geisel “Best of the Best” award. All of Marks books have been optioned for film, and he also wrote the script for an original short, Dreamweavers. Mark is widely loved for his tireless work running critique sessions at writers conferences—often staying up to the wee hours to make sure every writer gets the chance to read and field full feedback.

*After Mark’s interview are instructions for entering today’s Free Partial Edit Giveaway.

How many drafts does it typically take before you feel confident about the character and story choices you made?

For me at least, the use of word processors pretty much destroyed the meaning of the word “draft.” Back in typewriter days I did about four drafts of each novel…now I write 30 or more versions of some portions, and five or six versions of other portions. I insist that there’s a correlation between quality and all the extra dinking around. I insist, I tell you!

Which draft typically gets shown to your editor?

The one I’m satisfied with. I always prefer to give an editor as little work (i.e., interfering) to do as possible.

How much revising happens after the editor sees that draft?

Typically not much.

Do you use critique partners?

“Partners?” No, no, no. I belong to a read and critique group with which I share portions of the work to see if it’s doing what I want, but I never share even slightly rough material and I don’t seek out advice on how to “fix” something. I don’t believe in writing by committee.

How does revision work in ghostwriting? How do you strike a balance between your judgment as a writer and the preferences of the person you’re writing for?

I never did strike that balance; I usually wanted to strike the person I was writing for. So I don’t ghostwrite anymore.

Can you share an experience of having a story problem you didn’t think you could solve but eventually did?

My current novel features an organism that is alive but does not become conscious or self-aware until a third of the way through the story. I shuffled through two dozen openings before I realized that conscious or not, the organism needed its own point of view in order for the book to work. Getting there was a difficult but in the end very satisfying process.

What’s the most drastic thing you’ve done to a story while revising?

Thrown out 75 pages of stuff I originally thought was essential. Big lesson there….

How do you know you’ve got the final draft?

There’s no other way to put it: the story feels done.

TODAY’S GIVEAWAY:

The Editor is giving away one more FREE PARTIAL EDIT of your manuscript. Note that the winner of today’s giveaway IS eligible for Saturday’s grand prize Full Manuscript Edit Giveaway. Here are the rules, with a bonus entry available to DearEditor.com subscribers:

  1. Your manuscript can be of ANY GENRE or CATEGORY (for adults or children, fiction or non-fiction), including picture books.
  2. The partial edit will cover the FIRST CHAPTER of your manuscript. In the case of a picture book entry, the edit will cover the entire manuscript—but the manuscript cannot exceed 7 double-spaced, 12-pt font pages.
  3. Deadline: MIDNIGHT tonight, March 9, 2012, PST.
  4. Winner will be randomly selected using Randomizer.org and announced on March 10, 2012, in the DearEditor.com comments section and on the DearEditor.com Facebook page, and the winner will be notified directly via email.

TO ENTER:

One entry –  SEND EMAIL to DearEditor.com using the “Write to The Editor” button at the top of the blog or by clicking here. Type “Free Partial Edit Giveaway” in the subject line. In the body of the email, include the TITLE of your manuscript and YOUR FULL NAME. (If you have any difficulty with the contact button, send an email entry directly to dear-editor@hotmail.com.) Do not attach or embed any part of your manuscript in the entry.

Bonus entry – SUBSCRIBE. DearEditor.com subscribers get a bonus entry by sending a second email with “Subscriber’s Bonus Giveaway Entry” in the subject line and your title and full name in the body. (Note: the Editor will verify!) Not a subscriber yet? Then subscribe now by clicking on the “Subscribe” button at the top of DearEditor.com and then email your second entry.

Anyone who doesn’t follow these rules will be disqualified, at the Editor’s discretion.

Disclaimer: The Editor does not share or in any other way use your contact information; it’s collected solely for winner contact purposes at the end of the giveaway.

Good luck!

Use Modern Dialogue for Historical Fiction?

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Dear Editor…

In writing an historical fiction novel about an immigrant boy in 1911, how would you handle dialogue—should it be true to the time or more modern for today’s readers?

Roz

Dear Roz…

You’re writing dialogue, not a dictionary. Most people prefer accessibility to precise adherence to “the way people really spoke back then.” Alice Hoffman’s popular, highly acclaimed The Dovekeepers is set in Ancient Israel, 70 C.E. No one’s putting up a stink because her dialogue uses modern contractions: “It’s good you don’t want it.” Use time-specific phrases, yes, but even better: inject accessible dialogue with authentic flavor by recreating the way people of 1911 strung their words together—the syntax. Read as many first-hand writings of the time as possible. Train your brain to mimic the cadence and flavor of the syntax and work that rhythm into accessible character confabs.

Happy writing!
The Editor