Dear Editor…
I’m revising my middle grade novel. One editing change involved the use of the word “which.” I’ve been told to keep my sentences simple for my target age group, so I broke up several long sentences that had used the word “which.” For example, “It had felt like running away—which she had wanted to do ever since she’d moved in with her grandmother” became “It had felt like running away. Which she had wanted to do ever since she’d moved in with her grandmother.” These don’t sound right either. Now I’m totally confused. Can you shine some light on this?
Thanks,
H. P.
Dear H. P. …
In a stylized narrative, incomplete sentences can be fabulous. I’m all-in for “grammatically incorrect” when it feels right for the voice and overall narrative style. Legit! That said, in a more traditional narrative, an incomplete sentence that starts with “Which” can be a clunky distraction. Boo to clunkiness. The good news is, you can have your cake and eat it too: Go ahead and chop those longer “which” sentences in two for a simpler structure… but then replace “Which” with “That,” as in “It had felt like running away. That was something she’d wanted to do ever since she’d moved in with her grandmother.”
Happy writing!
The Editor