Dear Caring in California…
For the example you provide, I suggest choosing just one of the two sentences. No need to belabor the point. But your question is bigger than that example. Can a writer make outright statements of emotion? Elaina was sad. Yes. Such statements are valid tools to stock in your writer’s toolbox for variety. Just make it a lesser-used tool. Such statements aren’t as interesting as something a reader must interpret in order to know the character’s emotions. Interpreting is interactive reading, and interactive readers are engaged readers. A tip, because you mention eyes and eyelashes: Be stingy about describing eyes and facial expressions, because those easily become crutches. I often count dozens of “eyes” “looked” “face” “expression” in a single manuscript. That author is stuck. How do people express their emotions beyond the look on their face? They slam doors. They throw pillows. They slump in chairs. They drag their feet when they walk. They punch the air in victory. They fidget. They wash and rewash some faint spot on their shirt, cursing at the stupid stain remover for not working. What’s happening in those examples? Characters are engaging with props and the setting in ways that display their emotions. They are moving and behaving in ways that reveal their feelings. Try this: Imagine you’re watching a video of your character—but you can’t see their head or face. What is their body language? How are they moving and interacting with people/props/setting? There are oodles of ways to reveal character emotions, and no eyes need be in sight.
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