Dear Caring in California…
For the example you provide, I suggest choosing just one of the two sentences. No need to belabor the point. But your question is bigger than that example. Can a writer make outright statements of emotion? Elaina was sad. Yes. Such statements are valid tools to stock in your writer’s toolbox for variety. Just make it a lesser-used tool. Such statements aren’t as interesting as something a reader must interpret in order to know the character’s emotions. Interpreting is interactive reading, and interactive readers are engaged readers. A tip, because you mention eyes and eyelashes: Be stingy about describing eyes and facial expressions, because those easily become crutches. I often count dozens of “eyes” “looked” “face” “expression” in a single manuscript. That author is stuck. How do people express their emotions beyond the look on their face? They slam doors. They throw pillows. They slump in chairs. They drag their feet when they walk. They punch the air in victory. They fidget. They wash and rewash some faint spot on their shirt, cursing at the stupid stain remover for not working. What’s happening in those examples? Characters are engaging with props and the setting in ways that display their emotions. They are moving and behaving in ways that reveal their feelings. Try this: Imagine you’re watching a video of your character—but you can’t see their head or face. What is their body language? How are they moving and interacting with people/props/setting? There are oodles of ways to reveal character emotions, and no eyes need be in sight.
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Body language. I need to think about that more. I try as I was taught well!! However, it’s something about which I always remind myself.
Reminders are often as good as learning new tools.
I love the tip to show a character’s emotion as if you can’t see their face — that opens up so many possibilities.
I’m glad this tip resonated with you, Kim.
Order a copy of the Emotion Thesaurus. Invaluable tool.
Thanks for sharing that recommendation.
I love this tip. Helps you to feel the character’s emotion yourself which makes it easier to describe. Thanks.
True! We’re often writing our own feelings as we write the character’s.
I agree with the other comments…this was a really spot on post! And I love the advice to pretend you can’t see the character’s face. Plus the tips on the character interacting with objects…that could be really effective. No matter how many manuscript we write or how many books we may have out there, we are always learning. Thank you!!!
You’re welcome, V. Always great to hear from you.
Also, using active verbs rather than passive ones (such as ‘was’ and ‘were’) can liven up a scene.
Definitely. Thanks for adding this.
I love love this. In my YA, there’s a death and a lot of crying, and I’ve run out of ways to say he cried. This is perfect!
Oh yay–perfect timing. I’m so pleased about that. Wishing you the best with your WIP.
Great post! The advice “show don’t tell” gets used so much without concrete examples. This really helps – thanks for the tips!
My pleasure, Yolanda. So many aspects of writing and storytelling are abstract, so when I can provide examples, I like to do so. Happy writing!